Feeling "Understood" or "Known" is key to intimacy

October 1, 2013

Often I hear one partner say that they have been told that the relationship problem is the result of their poor communication. Specifically, they fail to tell their partner what they want and need in detail. While it's very important that couples develop communication skills to express needs and wants, resolve problems and build intimacy, it is also very important to "know thy partner". Sometimes referred to Love Maps or knowing your partners emotional world, nothing brings two people closer or feel more attached than feeling known and understood. Frequently, this is a key focus on couples therapy and can involve both developing knowledge (listening) and using new skills (showing empathy, reflective listening, meeting underlying needs). Not only will the partner feel closer by being understood but both can feel more secure in their competency in meeting those needs.


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